Reason To Be
by monkeyCsaw
Summary: Littleclaw was accused of murdering kits of her Clan. Exiled for her crimes, she disappears. Hawkgaze follows her into the mountains in hopes of finding his love once more. One-shot, written for Warriors Challenge Forum.


**This is a one-shot for Warriors Challenges "Cat's Out of the Bag" challenge. Enjoy :)**

* * *

The stars never offer answers. They are cold. They are distant. They are _nothing_. He stared at them with nothing but disgust.

Around him, the Clan seemed unaffected. They pranced around in their pompous joy, glad to be rid of what they labeled a, "no-good, lying, murderous she-cat". They disgusted him as well. The only cat that had made every day bearable, every day just a bit better, had been Littleclaw. She was something real to hold onto in this chaotic life. And they had thrown her out like old prey. Just because a queen had been suspicious and hysterical following the death of her kits.

The aforementioned queen strutted past him then, eyes narrowed to blue slits. She sneered at him and asked in her haughty tone, "Missing your little friend now? Must have been hard, realizing she was a dirty traitor."

Hawkgaze glared at her, though his voice was cool as he answered, "Very hard." With a toss of her sleek tabby head, the queen continued on her way. The warrior watched her walk away, claws sinking into the ground beneath his paws.

Littleclaw danced through his mind every second of every day. Her exile had taken place just days before, and the Clan had already returned to normal. He hated each and every one of them.

Slipping into the forest, he remembered what she had told him once. _"If nothing makes sense anymore, find something that does."_ He had laughed, because he already had. _Her._

Accused of murdering kits, the young she-cat had been exiled. Hawkgaze would never forget the agony in her green eyes. Her words still ripped at him, tearing him from the inside.

"_I never touched them. Hawkgaze, I never touched them," she had whispered. Hawkgaze wished he could go forward, lick her cheek, and comfort her. She looked lost and broken, standing in the middle of a sea of angry and venomous glares. Hawkgaze wished he could take her place._

"_Littleclaw," he had choked out as she left. Littleclaw turned to him and sighed. She licked his cheek just one last time. "I'll find you," he vowed solemnly. "I'll find you wherever you are."_

_Littleclaw nodded and Hawkgaze had soaked in that image. Her ginger pelt shone in the light and her eyes were filled with their old fire. Then it was gone and she was too._

Hawkgaze sped up, his paws striking the ground softly with each step. At the border, he halted. With ears pricked and mouth open, he could _taste_ her. She had gone to the mountains. He would join her shortly. There was just one thing he had to do first.

That night, he slipped into the near-empty nursery. Nothing mattered anymore, he was leaving. The queen was curled around her last kit, their breathing soft and even. Hawkgaze leaned down and put his muzzle to her ear. "You took away my only reason to live. I'll take your kit's only way to live," he breathed. His claw fell and her neck was stained red. Not a cry came, only a startled gasp. Her wide blue eyes were filled with horror as she drowned in her scarlet blood.

The kit stirred as the blood seeped into its brown fur. Hawkgaze picked it up and placed it in a separate nest. "Be strong, silly kit," he sneered before turning and leaving. His apprentice, as he had asked, waited for him outside her den.

"Hawkgaze," she gasped, beautiful amber eyes widening at his bloody paws. He silenced her with a tail flick and she stared at him in confusion.

"Petalpaw, listen to me. I'm leaving. I'm going to find Littleclaw. Here's my last lesson to you: don't let this Clan ruin you. If you see something wrong, you make it right, do you understand? I don't care what it costs you, you will _not_ become one of them," he meowed calmly. The young she-cat's eyes were suddenly flooded with understanding.

"Yes, Hawkgaze," she muttered. He turned and left the camp without another word and without another look back. There was nothing left for him back there. Everything was with Littleclaw and the mountains. He picked her faded scent up almost instantly and so began his long journey.

* * *

The warrior traveled for many moons, always following her scent, her call. The mountains grew steadily closer with each passing day. Hawkgaze changed his name to Hawk, not wanting any part of that Clan with him. The only cat he missed was Petalpaw, and he hoped she was happy.

At last, with a ragged pelt and worn paws, he began to haul himself over the rocks. They were smooth and grey beneath his paws and he continued on, always searching for her. His heart called her heart and he swore that at times, he could hear her voice calling him. Littleclaw, wrongly accused, and his only reason to keep moving on. He fixed her pale ginger pelt in his mind and her green eyes pushed him to keep going. He searched the mountains for days, slowly starving and never stopping. Her scent would waver and fade, grow stronger, die away completely. He could find pawprints or prey remains and his whole body would quiver.

He slept for the first time in four days, allowing his taut body to relax. His stomach growled and his paws ached but he was driven by a thirst to just _see_ her again. He was awoken by the stench of blood and a fierce growl.

A huge cat stood before him. Hawk wondered if LionClan had come back before realizing that the strange animal had no mane. He snarled and stood on shaky paws. His ears were flat and Littleclaw pounded in his mind as he lunged forward. He realized too late that the cat had already slashed his flank open.

Hawk clawed and bit though it didn't seem to make a difference. The cat seemed to just be toying with him, and Hawk was suddenly struck by the realization he was going to die.

"Littleclaw," he caterwauled to the unmoving mountains. The cat he had given everything up for.

As he lay there, in his own pool of blood, he suddenly realized that the huge cat was gone. Too exhausted to move his head he merely lay, breathing slow and painful. He was too tired to care anymore. He was going to die without ever seeing her again.

"Hawkgaze?" came the soft whisper. It was such a strange name, he reflected idly. An echo from his past and that voice… "Hawkgaze!"

His eyes snapped open. From a dream it seemed, _her_ green eyes swam before him. "Littleclaw?" he whimpered. Her pale ginger fur flashed in his vision and her face slowly came into focus.

He let out a weak purr. Her eyes were fiery and heartbroken and he had never loved her more dearly. "I found you, just like I promised," he sighed. Littleclaw gave a light, sad laugh.

"You did."

"You didn't make it easy," he muttered. He was only faintly aware of other cats surrounding them. They were only phantoms, wisps of a dream. As always, Littleclaw was the only real image. He gazed at her fondly and the pain began to slowly ebb away.

"My name is Hawk now," he meowed by way of making conversation. He just wanted his mind to be taken off the fact he was dying.

His heart fluttered at seeing her once more. Her voice healed all the aches and pains the journey had inflicted. Her eyes stole all the memories of hunger and thirst.

Littleclaw purred. "It suits you," she choked out. Hawk gave a small gasp and his vision went black and green. Green as her eyes.

"I-I love you," he coughed. He could feel her tears falling on his chest as he heaved for breath. He just wanted her to say it, he just wanted to hear it, once.

"Hawk," she murmured, softly and sweetly. "I love you, too. And I'm sorry," she added. Confusion swirled through him in the color of blue.

"Sorry?" he asked, voice raspy and quickly fading.

"I lied to you," she murmured voice heavy with regret and layered with anger. Understanding swept through his mind, and Hawk sighed heavily.

"I-I forgive…" he trailed off as his mouth fell closed. Hawk drifted away in a sea of green and black, black and green.

Littleclaw stared down at his body sadly. "Those kits deserved to die," she hissed softly. The pale she-cat stood and walked out to where her patrol waited for her, eyes filled with questions. "It's nothing. Let's continue," she ordered calmly.

"Yes, Littlestar."

She was Littlestar of SkyClan now.

* * *

Hawk watched his only love walk away. He glared at his mother and father and the kits she had murdered. Their pelts were filled with stars and where they walked, light followed.

The stars never offer answers. They are cold. They are distant. They are nothing. He stared at them with nothing but disgust.


End file.
